[Angeal's words reach him, and it only makes Sephiroth want to retreat further back behind his icy veneer. He's not ready to confront being wanted, being made someone else's purpose, and certainly not having his sins forgiven. Something wavers in Sephiroth's sharp eyes, something he's quick to strangle down beneath his anger and obstinance.]
No. Do not try to make me your light, Angeal. That is a weight I cannot carry-- for you or anyone else.
[Because damn if he hasn't already tried. Cloud saved him from Jenova, showed him how to be something approaching human again, but even then-- Sephiroth continued to hurt him despite every dogged attempt not to. He tried to be a man deserving of love and kindness, and never quite measured up. If he couldn't even do that for Cloud, how the hell is he supposed to do it for Angeal?]
You're putting me on a pedastal I don't want. [...Or deserve.] Furthermore... the way you speak of me tells me you grasp little of the gravity of my actions-- or that I was complicit in much of it. Jenova was but a piece of the puzzle.
I - alone - wanted the world to burn. [And some part of him still does. The only thing that has stopped him from being subsumed by that fury all over again is Cloud. And now-- Angeal is here - alive - again, speaking of wanting to forge a new path together and carve their own little place in the world again and--]
You don't understand--
[A stark-white pain splits through Sephiroth's skull, jarring a hiss from him. He jerks free of Angeal's grasp to turn away, cradling his face in a gloved hand. It's a familiar pain. Jenova. She always tries to eke in when Sephiroth begins to question, to doubt, to fall apart. He's had plenty of practice at warding her off, but-- she's too much a part of him for Sephiroth to ever truly be free. After all, that's why the Lifestream has refused him again, and again, and again--
She finally quiets... Sephiroth's voice is much softer when he speaks again-- but twice as sharp.]
...If you stay, I will hurt you.
[It's not a question or a threat. It's simply the truth.]
[ His voice is low and quiet, and rather than the near question which might make Sephiroth think the doubts him (he thinks it's not the entire truth), he adds, ]
Then let it be so.
[ It's not the entire truth, not with the pain that he can see coming to his man. And he doesn't try to hold Sephiroth again, but he does place one warm palm on his back, above the wing. ]
I'll be ready when you do hurt me. But, just as certain as you are that you will, I know that, if I'm not next to you, I'll be hurting us both. Every moment.
I won't make you my light. But, please. Pain and pleasure, despair and reality. Let me be your Angeal again.
[That hand on Sephiroth's back, so temptingly close to his wing, beckons an instinctual reaction. But he's not quite sure if its a pleasant shiver or a tense bristle. Maybe a little bit of both. He listens intently as Angeal asserts that he's prepared to be hurt, and finds himself wondering how prepared he really is. If he really knows what he's signing up for.
Let me be your Angeal again.
How long has he yearned to hear those words? ...And yet, all he can do is snap his walls up soundly around himself and pull away.]
If that is your wish, so be it... But allow me to make one thing perfectly clear.
[He pivots again, just enough that Angeal is met with the full force of that icy serpentine stare of his. Intent. Deadly serious.]
Should you leave again, you will not be welcome here. Don't bother coming back.
[He doesn't have the strength of heart to forgive another betrayal. He's too bitter, too angry. Not just at Angeal but then world in its entirety. As it stands, it's already going to take time and patience from them both before they're in a place where Sephiroth feels capable of relenting to moments of sweetness.
His love for Angeal is a double-edged sword right now. It hasn't faded at all in its intensity and depth, but it's because of that that he can't quite bring himself to trust him yet. Angeal has already left twice, and Sephiroth's heart will irreparably shatter if he lets him in only for him to leave a third time.
Angeal will need to prove that he can be his Angeal again.]
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No. Do not try to make me your light, Angeal. That is a weight I cannot carry-- for you or anyone else.
[Because damn if he hasn't already tried. Cloud saved him from Jenova, showed him how to be something approaching human again, but even then-- Sephiroth continued to hurt him despite every dogged attempt not to. He tried to be a man deserving of love and kindness, and never quite measured up. If he couldn't even do that for Cloud, how the hell is he supposed to do it for Angeal?]
You're putting me on a pedastal I don't want. [...Or deserve.] Furthermore... the way you speak of me tells me you grasp little of the gravity of my actions-- or that I was complicit in much of it. Jenova was but a piece of the puzzle.
I - alone - wanted the world to burn. [And some part of him still does. The only thing that has stopped him from being subsumed by that fury all over again is Cloud. And now-- Angeal is here - alive - again, speaking of wanting to forge a new path together and carve their own little place in the world again and--]
You don't understand--
[A stark-white pain splits through Sephiroth's skull, jarring a hiss from him. He jerks free of Angeal's grasp to turn away, cradling his face in a gloved hand. It's a familiar pain. Jenova. She always tries to eke in when Sephiroth begins to question, to doubt, to fall apart. He's had plenty of practice at warding her off, but-- she's too much a part of him for Sephiroth to ever truly be free. After all, that's why the Lifestream has refused him again, and again, and again--
She finally quiets... Sephiroth's voice is much softer when he speaks again-- but twice as sharp.]
...If you stay, I will hurt you.
[It's not a question or a threat. It's simply the truth.]
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[ His voice is low and quiet, and rather than the near question which might make Sephiroth think the doubts him (he thinks it's not the entire truth), he adds, ]
Then let it be so.
[ It's not the entire truth, not with the pain that he can see coming to his man. And he doesn't try to hold Sephiroth again, but he does place one warm palm on his back, above the wing. ]
I'll be ready when you do hurt me. But, just as certain as you are that you will, I know that, if I'm not next to you, I'll be hurting us both. Every moment.
I won't make you my light. But, please. Pain and pleasure, despair and reality. Let me be your Angeal again.
no subject
Let me be your Angeal again.
How long has he yearned to hear those words? ...And yet, all he can do is snap his walls up soundly around himself and pull away.]
If that is your wish, so be it... But allow me to make one thing perfectly clear.
[He pivots again, just enough that Angeal is met with the full force of that icy serpentine stare of his. Intent. Deadly serious.]
Should you leave again, you will not be welcome here. Don't bother coming back.
[He doesn't have the strength of heart to forgive another betrayal. He's too bitter, too angry. Not just at Angeal but then world in its entirety. As it stands, it's already going to take time and patience from them both before they're in a place where Sephiroth feels capable of relenting to moments of sweetness.
His love for Angeal is a double-edged sword right now. It hasn't faded at all in its intensity and depth, but it's because of that that he can't quite bring himself to trust him yet. Angeal has already left twice, and Sephiroth's heart will irreparably shatter if he lets him in only for him to leave a third time.
Angeal will need to prove that he can be his Angeal again.]
no subject