[ Angeal's time since that day when he forced Zack's hand has not been nearly as exciting or trailblazing as Sephiroth's own. He took a long time before his self-hate and despair at the impossibility to escape from what he is and what he has done faded even a little into resignation, a time of quiet madness that he does not much care to revisit, but does not shy away from, either. When it had ended...
There was still the need to accept all that he is, and to learn about it. A slow process, and, as some things either did not come naturally to him, or he was fighting against them, it took him a long, laborious time before he learned how to do some of the things that Sephiroth can.
And when he found his way to the place in-between, he got lost, observing all those memories.
That is why he knows exactly why Sephiroth's reaction was what it was, and why it brought him relief. If Sephiroth is railing against a Jenova attempt to reel him in again, that is a good thing.
That is also why a flick of Sephiroth's eyes towards his shoulder lets him know what to expect. Especially with Masamune put away, he doesn't flinch as Sephiroth reaches for him, and doesn't try to fight off the attempt to look.
It is only when Sephiroth stills, finding his proof and getting flooded with emotions as a result, that he reaches, placing his hands on the sides of Sephiroth's pinched waist. Not pushing or pulling. Just there.
That time...
Sephiroth felt guilt for it. But, to Angeal, it meant something else. It meant that, when Angeal pushed him beyond self-control and restraint, Sephiroth trusted him, subconsciously, that he could take what Sephiroth could give. He couldn't put it into words then, not the right ones to assuage Sephiroth's reaction, but, to him, this scar was more precious than any other mark upon his body.
It was one of the reasons why he started looking, despite knowing that he hurt Sephiroth more than anyone other than Jenova and possibly Hojo did. One of the reasons he dared hope that, when the storm of fury is over, perhaps Sephiroth will forgive him, a little.
When Sephirothh pulls him in, the hands at the sides of Sephiroth's waist move a little, to the small of his back, but he still lets Sephiroth decide if that pull is for an embrace, or to shake him more easily. He'd accept either, and much worse, besides.
The anguished question, on the other hand...
He sighs softly, and doesn't avoid Sephiroth's broken glare. Considers for a moment, then tries to put some things into words, into an answer, even if he knows it will be only words, right now. ]
Because we were kids caught in the attempt by scientists to play god, and each of us broke in a different way because of it. You hated the world. I hated myself. And it was all-consuming. And also, because I was a fool.
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There was still the need to accept all that he is, and to learn about it. A slow process, and, as some things either did not come naturally to him, or he was fighting against them, it took him a long, laborious time before he learned how to do some of the things that Sephiroth can.
And when he found his way to the place in-between, he got lost, observing all those memories.
That is why he knows exactly why Sephiroth's reaction was what it was, and why it brought him relief. If Sephiroth is railing against a Jenova attempt to reel him in again, that is a good thing.
That is also why a flick of Sephiroth's eyes towards his shoulder lets him know what to expect. Especially with Masamune put away, he doesn't flinch as Sephiroth reaches for him, and doesn't try to fight off the attempt to look.
It is only when Sephiroth stills, finding his proof and getting flooded with emotions as a result, that he reaches, placing his hands on the sides of Sephiroth's pinched waist. Not pushing or pulling. Just there.
That time...
Sephiroth felt guilt for it. But, to Angeal, it meant something else. It meant that, when Angeal pushed him beyond self-control and restraint, Sephiroth trusted him, subconsciously, that he could take what Sephiroth could give. He couldn't put it into words then, not the right ones to assuage Sephiroth's reaction, but, to him, this scar was more precious than any other mark upon his body.
It was one of the reasons why he started looking, despite knowing that he hurt Sephiroth more than anyone other than Jenova and possibly Hojo did. One of the reasons he dared hope that, when the storm of fury is over, perhaps Sephiroth will forgive him, a little.
When Sephirothh pulls him in, the hands at the sides of Sephiroth's waist move a little, to the small of his back, but he still lets Sephiroth decide if that pull is for an embrace, or to shake him more easily. He'd accept either, and much worse, besides.
The anguished question, on the other hand...
He sighs softly, and doesn't avoid Sephiroth's broken glare. Considers for a moment, then tries to put some things into words, into an answer, even if he knows it will be only words, right now. ]
Because we were kids caught in the attempt by scientists to play god, and each of us broke in a different way because of it. You hated the world. I hated myself. And it was all-consuming. And also, because I was a fool.